It's been a difficult 24 hours.I ate some mixed nuts yesterday whicle driving home from work and had one of those allergic reactions you hear about:
Chest froze up, throat closed, Eyes puffed up and closed, Tongue swelled, COULD NOT BREATHE. Pulled over. Much coughing and vomiting for an hour, finally calmed down, got home, wheezing, found an old Benadryl tablet which helped me breathe a little. But kept having attacks during the might. I was trying to figure out what was going on, because I have ALWAYS eaten nuts and have never had an allergic reaction.
Dumb old me finally went to the ER this morning after a sleepless and breathless night and was read the riot act by various doctors today about what anaphylaxis is, and that I could have died last night.
I left with prednisone, a very swollen and rashed face, a prescription for a very expensive epi-pen (which I can't afford to buy right now, but will) and a sense of humility.
I realized that when others are in danger, I jump into action and zip them over to the emergency room when there is a chance of any illness. But when it is my own self, I often:
1. Think of the money I would have to spend, feel guilty and try to "cure" myself.
2. Minimize what is happening to me to "will myself well".
3. Deny, Deny, Deny (after all, I'm invincible, right?)
4. I don't even allow my friends to drive me to the ER. I get embarrassed and ashamed to be imposing.
(Memo to my wonderful pal JF: Next time I say no to that kind of offer, smack me. Seriously. I had some chest pains on the way over, and now the docs want to check out my heart.)
I think I have been deceiving myself a little about my "strong physical constitution" and I really need to learn to take care of myself as I would my own child.
Why is it so hard to nurture ourselves sometimes?
- Current Mood: contemplative